Gîtau wa Kûng'û Prof writes ✍️
It's a bright, melodious, promising 8AM of Sunday, 21st May. My little brother Johnte finds me finishing up doing laundry. Oh geez! I think I'll finally succumb to mami's pressure to find her a byurifu daughter-in-law in the Chafusoko streets. Do good, marriageable ladies exist ama shida ni mimi?
Well, Johnte has a piece of gacuru sugarcane for me. But this junior secondary, pioneer CBC general is cunning I tel yah! He waits until I savour the 1st squeeze of natural sugar out of the cane and spits out the "bone" when he lures me charismatically with the beautiful PEFA (Pentecostal Evangelistic Fellowship of Africa) Junior Youth biblical stories of how God is faithful to the kind and compassionate. So he tells me how he prays to be blessed like Tabitha and Hezekiah. He rounds up in a very solemn tone splattering the story of Ananias and his wife Sapphira. "Wee no wende kûninwo nî Ngai ta Anania na Sabiira?" (Would you like to end up like Anania and his wife)? He asks.
Before I ponder the answer, my mami's lastborn, the brownest and cheekiest sibling, Sami aka Kasamidoh arrives with his usual humourous gusto as he munches on "mandazi ya Kwa Zidane's Sunrise Cafe."
"Wooiye... Rîu ciana ciao ciarerirwo nûû ma?" Just like his role model Samidoh the current benga star, I guess this kid "does not have a good head!" The kind of questions his little cerebrum contorts!
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He sympathizes with the Ananias's kids and wonders what became of them! Were they dumped into a children's home or did they become glue-sniffing chokora like the little kids with bruised faces he saw at Kanairo? Sami's face is now a sullen mask.
At this point, Johnte fumbles at his denim 'n produces some paper.
It's a fundraiser contributions print out for Murang'a Catholic Diocese. He wants me to sum up his contributions with something small. In return, I'm promised very many blessings and an everlasting life in paradise if I contribute.
Sami doesn't disappoint in whipping my emotions to progress Johnte's agenda. He quickly reminds Johnte that Auntie Muthoni taught them that the amount of blessings correspond to the amount of offerings and sacrifices we make.
He takes the paper and reads two names in the list and their respective contributions. Sami argues that dad will receive the most blessings because he contributed the highest. He sympathizes with a Sharon who only contributed 10 Ksh. Johnte argues that Sharon is a grade 6 pupil n will be greatly rewarded for sacrificing to eat Zidane's Cafe mandazis to contribute.
Sami takes the talk downtown with an unchallengeable comeback that Johnte only defends Sharon because she's his girlfriend! Oh Lord come! He disappears immediately.
Well, I refuse to contribute a dime. They want to build a storey church. I have no problem, even Solomon overtaxed Israelites and made them to build the golden Temple at Jerusalem. But what happened when Babylon attacked n conquered Israel?
Look at our villages. We have beautiful stone churches whose neighbourhoods, live alone the lifelong church members' houses are made of rusted mabati, moth-n-ant-terrorised timber and toilets with old gunia sacks for walls!
Every other day, the local masterminds of oppression, eaters of other husband's pleasure departments, snatchers of other wives' husbands, strikers in the fornicators FC and bewitchers of successful neighbour's children congregate together to be washed by the blood of the lamb of that week's scourge and scum. Meanwhile, gatina FC priests, bishops, apostles, reverends n Deacons with vast estates n posh cars (bought for by the faithful sheep in the flock of the lamb) take to the dias preaching water and condemning karûbû and mûratina before holding high the wine cup that signifies the blood of the lamb.
No! I'm not contributing any more to build any more fancy churches! But if the churches come up with a genuinely proactive agenda, like setting up a mall whose profits will help the needy, orphans and widows. I will gladly contribute. If the church wants to build a new house for a collapsing family's, I'm in!
If the church fundraiser is about building a church library, or a theatre, or a publishing press for Christian literature, I'm in.
I'm tired of listening to priests and prophets promise and prophesy mansions to the faithful sheep now living in collapsing houses if they pray... And contribute generously the same way they contributed to build a millions worth parish n Bishop's residence.
Anyway, I offer something to cater for the usual church offerings.
At this point, Johnte fumbles at his denim 'n produces some paper.
It's a fundraiser contributions print out for Murang'a Catholic Diocese. He wants me to sum up his contributions with something small. In return, I'm promised very many blessings and an everlasting life in paradise if I contribute.
Sami doesn't disappoint in whipping my emotions to progress Johnte's agenda. He quickly reminds Johnte that Auntie Muthoni taught them that the amount of blessings correspond to the amount of offerings and sacrifices we make.
He takes the paper and reads two names in the list and their respective contributions. Sami argues that dad will receive the most blessings because he contributed the highest. He sympathizes with a Sharon who only contributed 10 Ksh. Johnte argues that Sharon is a grade 6 pupil n will be greatly rewarded for sacrificing to eat Zidane's Cafe mandazis to contribute.
Sami takes the talk downtown with an unchallengeable comeback that Johnte only defends Sharon because she's his girlfriend! Oh Lord come! He disappears immediately.
Well, I refuse to contribute a dime. They want to build a storey church. I have no problem, even Solomon overtaxed Israelites and made them to build the golden Temple at Jerusalem. But what happened when Babylon attacked n conquered Israel?
Look at our villages. We have beautiful stone churches whose neighbourhoods, live alone the lifelong church members' houses are made of rusted mabati, moth-n-ant-terrorised timber and toilets with old gunia sacks for walls!
Every other day, the local masterminds of oppression, eaters of other husband's pleasure departments, snatchers of other wives' husbands, strikers in the fornicators FC and bewitchers of successful neighbour's children congregate together to be washed by the blood of the lamb of that week's scourge and scum. Meanwhile, gatina FC priests, bishops, apostles, reverends n Deacons with vast estates n posh cars (bought for by the faithful sheep in the flock of the lamb) take to the dias preaching water and condemning karûbû and mûratina before holding high the wine cup that signifies the blood of the lamb.
No! I'm not contributing any more to build any more fancy churches! But if the churches come up with a genuinely proactive agenda, like setting up a mall whose profits will help the needy, orphans and widows. I will gladly contribute. If the church wants to build a new house for a collapsing family's, I'm in!
If the church fundraiser is about building a church library, or a theatre, or a publishing press for Christian literature, I'm in.
I'm tired of listening to priests and prophets promise and prophesy mansions to the faithful sheep now living in collapsing houses if they pray... And contribute generously the same way they contributed to build a millions worth parish n Bishop's residence.
Anyway, I offer something to cater for the usual church offerings.
